Hi Readers. I haven't posted in a little while due to my father in law passing away recently. Although it was a sad time for DH and our families, I welcomed the way I felt about not having to do IVF for a little while. That in itself speaks louder than anything else I could say, that when death was around me, I still found a way to rejoice within myself because I didn't have to think about needles, blood tests and moodiness. My sisterhood of IVF'ers will no doubt understand. We go through so much for a hope don't we?
To catch you up, our one frosty was put back in two weeks ago, and the clinic called today to inform me it was a BFN. I told myself I was not going to poas until my official test date, but come 8dp5dt, I caved, and I sat in the bathroom staring at the all-too-familiar single purple line with no friend to keep it company. I guess it's a metaphor for how I am feeling right at this very instant....lonely. The questions, oh the questions! They have the speed of Usain Bolt combined with the repetition of a metronome.
Why didn't it work?
Did I do something wrong?
Was it that panic attack I had in the car due to the meds making me feel weird?
How much money do I have now?
What is WRONG with me?
Obviously I do not have the answers to these questions, and may never will, but there's hope...I watched the 2013 Oscars last night! "What hella crap is she talking now?" you may be thinking. Well, to be a little dramatic about it, at about 24 seconds into the video, I felt like Ben Affleck was speaking directly to me. Indulge me if you will.
There you have it...YOU GOTTA GET UP. Ben Affleck just told you so! If by chance, you're reading this and you feel like you don't want to get up, I am here to tell you that after two cycle of IVF which included sickness and disappointments, I am going to get back up.
Yes, I am going to get back up....right after I eat this tub of cookies and cream.
Much Love
Beatrix xo
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