Day 6

After a sleepless night filled with tossing, turning, praying, and cursing, DH and I made a sombre trip into our clinic. The nurse drew some blood, and I was told to go home, rest, and wait for their call to advise if there would be any further action that day, or if my first IVF cycle had come to a premature and heartbreaking end.

I did just this. I had resigned myself to the fact that there would be nothing more after this, and I had to start focusing my thoughts on dealing with what had happened, in the hope of finding courage to proceed with another cycle, hopefully a kinder one.

My thoughts were interrupted by a call from Dr. Awesome, telling me how disappointing this result was (no sh*t Sherlock), but I understood that it was all he could say. He advised that it may be an egg and sperm issue, and that we should reconvene in the New Year, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Fuck...Fucketty Fuck...

Fine.

And Then...

My phone rang again. It was the nurses informing me that one little emby had been deemed worthy of freezing by the senior embryologist. Maybe my prayers had reached that little one and propelled it to keep going for whatever reason. Maybe not. Who knows, and who cares...we had our first frosty and it was the little glimmer of hope that was the beginning of my way out of the dark and gloomy postcode I had moved into.

I then got to speak to Paul, the senior embryologist who made the call to freeze the embryo. He said that it wasn't perfect, in fact it was borderline, but he had seen embryos like these make babies many times, and THAT, ladies and gents is how you give hope to someone. 

DH was suitably happy with this outcome, and I could start the process of grieving for my lost cycle. A process that took one month, which brings us to the here and now. There have been many days of sickness, soul searching, finance searching, and general melancholy since last I had contact with the clinic. I've been on IVF forums, spoken with friends, and strategised with DH. All this has helped me understand that they learn a lot from each IVF cycle we do, and although it was my first cycle, and a shitty introduction into the ART world, I believe that they can tweak my protocol for my next stim cycle to achieve a better result. Will it actually achieve a better outcome? That remains to be seen, but for now, I'm back in the game of life, exercising, sleeping well and medication free, and it feels fantastic!