Remember when I said on a previous post that I knew the result of my cycle? Well, this is the post I had been dreading writing since all of our hopes were dashed when the lab called back and said that none of our perfect day 3 embryos had grown enough to be considered for a transfer.
This happened about a month ago, and I can only now write this without feeling the intense sadness that I felt on that day. I was heartbroken, the lab was baffled, DH didn't know what to say, and the nurses had the unenviable task of consoling me. So many questions raced through my mind.."Was it his sperm?"..."Was it my eggs?"..."Was it both?"..."Did the lab mess anything up?"..."Did I mess anything up?"...UGH! I collapsed in a heap and no one was home. This was the day I felt stupid about undertaking IVF. This was the day I felt that I would never become a mum. This was the day I hated my body, and finally, this was the day I felt a sense of hopelessness descend upon me, the likes of which I have never experienced.
My sustained and relentless crying was broken up by another call from the nurses, who had spoken with Dr. Awesome. They advised me to come in the next day for a possible day 6 transfer if the lab found an embryo that was suitable once another night had passed. IVF clinics routinely check the embryos on day 6 to make sure they've given the embryos enough of a chance to make it to a blastocyst. The other reason they wanted me to come in was to have a full blood count done, to check on those jerky estrogen levels.
I didn't think I would sleep tonight.....and I didn't.
No comments:
Post a Comment